[personal profile] zoeytmccarthy
I just want you to hold me in your warm, muscular arms just one more time like you did for 8 months. I want you 1 last time. Please. I miss your smile. I miss your perfectly, retarded laugh and the way your nose got all scrunched up. I miss falling asleep hearing you breathe and hearing you swallow. I miss making fun of you for having to take liquid medice because you couldnt swallow pills. I miss it when there would be a girl staring at you, you would grab my hand and kiss me. I miss your voice. I miss my life, my world, my best friend, my soulmate. I miss you. I miss me. I dont know who I am anymore. I dont know what to do with my life. This is killing me. Its tearing me apart. We were like a movie. Whyd you let it all go??? We were perfect. I loved you so so so much. You made me feel like I was the WORLD, like you couldnt live without me. Then, then you threw me away like I meant nothing. I was so "special" you were able to find someone within 4 hours after I was gone. I hope youre happy. I hope shes everything you wanted but sometimes I wish you were miserable without me as terrible as it sounds. I wish you needed me. I wish you wanted and still loved me but I know you dont. At times, I wonder if you ever did or if all that was just part of a game too. Im sorry I wasnt good enough. Im sorry I couldnt make you happy. Im sorry I wasnt everything you needed. Im sorry im ME. Without you, im nobody. I have to find myself all over again. You were such a part of my daily life that once you were gone I didnt know what to do with myself. You will NEVER understand how much this hurts and I hope you never have to. You promised... You promised...

Forever...
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Zoey T McCarthy

February 2016

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